121009 wild horses

So I’m off to Spain on Friday to test out a few moves on the locals. I asked my happily settled friend I’m visiting if there were any suitable chorizos on the menu.

‘erm, only ex-drug addicts and old people’.

Well, nowhere I haven’t been before. And I shall be bleeding which will make me slightly more unappealing and more likely to be sympathetic to the underdog.

My horoscope today said

‘Start upgrading this weekend by enhancing your image. The best way to do this is to bring joy to yourself. When you feel better you look better and other people will notice.’

Easier said than done when you’re living out of a ryanair one-bag on an isolated olive farm with nothing but the wind for company. On the blob.

Oh yeah, if it wasn’t for the soul I’d have nothing left!

I softly fell out of the hope of my French assassin lover demanding I fly to Geneva to drink champagne from his navel, I briefly thought a binge may have begun when I got my tits felt up on George Street, but it was nothing but a dying dream.

Instead, I focussed on the hope that the guy I first ever welcomed into my fold would come up trumps. Yes, the brother of the bride of the groom of the brother of the French assassin. To make things clear.

He is a serial monogamist, because he loves sex and appears to have no guilt complex; more fool him. But he wants my loins, and I his rump, and after dinner we’d skip the mints………..

Having someone on the back burner is a safe way to insure your sanity. No more angry sexually-frustrated outbursts at the world; chuckling softly to myself at internet advances rather than reaching my fist through the screen to try and grab some cybercock.

But I waited……………and a woman’s week is a man’s minute, and my plate was still empty. I put one egg in one basket and dropped it on the floor. I went to check my simmering broth and the hob wasn’t even on. Bugger. Strictly off the boil.

In a desperate attempt to grasp a piece of him for my own, I today sent him a very simple text:

‘fucking ring me, I want to know when I can get some possible sex’.

Unremarkable, you may think, but it grabbed him by the balls and we have a phone date on Sunday, (he lives in the wilderness).

O Lord break this seal that I have been re-given…….