book my face

I have a few ‘real-life’ friends who haven’t yet succumbed to the lower levels of loneliness expressed from the milky boob known as…..the facebook.

You are not alone.

And look what happened to that poor bugger, might have been happier if only he’d discovered farmland, instead of just caging monkeys for fun….

In the beginning, you’d say to these non-bookers, ‘yeah, check my facebook, zebras from botswana’, or, ‘I’ll send you an invite – all the info’s on there’, or, ‘look at me singing about bum sex at a party’.

They don’t get to leave ‘comments’ like I do:

A: we’re ENGAGED!
Random: really? Wow...already ? Seems like you just started dating. You silly, impulsive kidz! The best news EVER! (like)
Random: Congratulations x
Godiva: is that just because you left the country and you’re coming to see me?

Hadn’t contacted her for sixteen years. Apparently her fiancé got a bit worried after seeing my profile pics……Not sure I’ll be seeing her again.

But no, the friends who have not yet ‘signed up’, (what a subscription), retain their highly-esteemed sense of freedom and individuality……

Well they did, but now they’re champing at the fucking bit. ‘Hmmm, maybe I should just join, it would be easier…..’

COME AND JOIN US.

My mother has. That means it’s got to be time….and welcome to FB, Mr Murray, and thank you for the advice on getting some smackeroons for my blogumentary…..

And I hope you ‘like’ it. What a fantastic fucking function eh? When it first appeared, bookers would seem a bit coy - it’s not very british to openly exclaim a ‘like’ for something now, is it? But we got used to it like the other apps, (or is it function, or is it something I’m not down enough with the kids to know about yet), and we let our floods blow full swing. Like baboons on viagra, we enthusiastically ‘like’ everything! Everyone!

Douglas has got the shits. Like!
Deborah is going shopping, then home for a nice cup of tea and some lamb chops. Like!
Godiva only goes to bed with her phone when she's got a boyfriend..............or seriously suicidal friend of course...but often just sleeps under the table..

You guessed it….I Like!

And I’ve just discovered the ‘like’ button on godiva’s facebook. And I was just about to write ‘godiva’s escapades like the like button’, when I realised that this would surely foil my marketing ploy. Yes, I have to think strategically these days….

So to increase traffic/comment/banter on godiva’s book, I realised I could ‘like’ everyone’s status on my news feed! And then they’d like me back, right? Comment, get a bit friendly with the old ‘likes’. Bit of harmless flirting….?

Clever, huh?!

No, not a pippin.

Hundreds of people manage to like godiva when she’s safe inside her blog page, but not many people want to sit on her facebook.

Does that mean no one really likes the poor bitch? Is she such a conniving little whore that no one wants to befriend her?

No.

It means that zuckerberg has excellent spamming restrictions, and thinks..I am..a tin..of spam.

Thanks mark, your face ain’t exactly one for TV either.

So facebook is an AMAZING networking tool, I love it. But it doesn’t love godiva.

I have around 32 dutiful friends, and not for want of plastering my facebook all over my blog. But clicking on a simple button is sooooooooo boring these days!

Well it’s time for you, reader, to bother. With 32 friends it’s more like a wake than a party. I love you guys…love me back!! I bet you would if I died…….

So join me. Now. Or else.

Come and sit on my fucking facebook…..xx

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=100001527947316

if that don’t work, (zucker ain’t bein too sugary for me these days), search for godiva’s escapades and add me! xxxxxxxxxxx

(then watch this week’s song…AFTER!! Yeaaaahhhh - it’s on me facebook)